Culturally Discombobulated

America Comprehended: Pitbull

PITBULL: Slapheaded rapping genius behind such songs as “Oh No He Didn’t,” “Mmm, Yeah,” and “That’s Nasty.” One pitbull we shouldn’t be too upset about being put-down.

America Comprehended: David Letterman

DAVID LETTERMAN: Gap-toothed philandering blackmailee and late-night talk show host. The earnestly solemn news reporting this week about his retirement has me concerned that after his final show CBS executives are going to take him out back, Old Yeller-style. Michaels, Parkinson and Aspel, can count themselves fortunate in comparison.

Adventures in Commercial Religiosity

“Can you emphasize his voyeuristic omniscience in a way that’s really unsettling? And while you’re doing that, if you can also make sure he the dead eyes of an insect, that’d be just super.”

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America Comprehended: Cleveland Cavaliers

CLEVELAND CAVALIERS: NBA franchise based in Cleveland, Ohio. Named the Cavaliers to mark the important role Ohio played in the English Civil War. Similarly themed names in American sports include the Louisville Levellers, the Utah Fifth Monarchists, and the San Diego Rump Parliamentarians.

America Comprehended: Truck Nuts

TRUCK NUTS (aka trucksticles): Plastic testicles some men feel compelled to attach to their pickup truck’s exhaust pipe to stop other motorists getting the impression that their extremely manly truck has – God forbid – a vagina.