Groping for a common ground

by awindram

[tweetmeme source=”awindram” only_single=false] Interesting, if occasionally weird, attempts by Americans at finding some common ground with the odd British creature standing before them. Each comment was preceded by a pause as the American racked his/her brain for salient facts they half-remembered about the UK and how they could be used in the conversation: 

  • A driving instructor at the DMV – “I like that new Bond – he’s tough. You can believe he kills people. You know what I’m on about? The other Bonds were pussies, too neat. Roger Moore could never break another man’s neck.
  • A shoe salesman –  “Brits? They got some funny people over there. Who’s the one I love? Funny guy, bit more subtle and clever than the stuff you get here. What’s he called? Oh yeah…Benny Hill – that’s it.”*
  • Prat at a sporting event – “So you’ve got socialized health care then?” Leans in close to me. “That kills people. Saw it on the news.”
  • Waiter at Applebees – “I’d like to go to Edinburgh one day. Is it like Harry Potter?”
  • Twat at a party, unsure whether this was a really weird chat-up attempt or not – “You’re from Europe? So, you must be uncircumcised then?”  
  • Very pleasant  guy I didn’t have the heart to correct – “I saw some stuff on the History Channel. We forget how the English have been there for us over the years. Last week I was watching this documentary about how the English really helped us out against the British.”
  • A distracted nurse with a needle about to take some of my blood – “You’re English? I’m Scotch**. My Grandma is from there.*** She really hates the English. Really HATES them.” Jabs needle hard into my arm. “Yeah, it’s funny. We’ve just moved her into a nursing home and there’s an elderly English woman in there with her. My Grandma just sits there all day shouting at the little old woman.”****

*No idea of what constitutes unsubtle humour for this guy.

**Note for Americans who want to claim their Scottish heritage, it really sounds more convincing if you don’t call yourself  “Scotch”. Unless what you’re, in fact, saying is that you’re a 12 year old malt, in which case – fair enough.

***That doesn’t make you Scottish; my Grandmother was French, doesn’t make me French – though it does explain the misplaced sense of superiority. 

 ****That’s not funny, that’s awful.

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