Responses thought, but often left unsaid

by awindram

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  • As a matter of fact, I did grow up in a castle. And each morning I’d go bathing in the moat, and each afternoon I’d go down to the village and behead a peasant.
  • Your cousin John?! In Basingstoke?! COURSE I know him. John in Basingstoke. Yeah, we’re tight. Shame about the court case. What do you mean, you hadn’t heard?
  • Absolutely I’m here for the American dream. Already living it, got a documentary on “E” planned called Keeping up with the Windram and then I’m going to leak a sex tape online.
  • 10th in line to the throne, to be exact.
  • You’re right, all we can do is just boil everything. British cuisine is nothing more than a culinary abortion. Truth is we’re just waiting for your great chefs, Carl’s Jr and Mr Applebee, to come and show us where we’ve been going wrong.
  • My skin is very pale, well observed. I have an iron deficiency.
  • Thank you for your commiseration about Princess Di, a complete and utter stranger to me who died 13 years ago. I’m touched by your thoughtfulness.
  • That’s true. If it wasn’t for you personally, a moronic twentysomething, I’d be speaking German. Danke.
  • How did I learn English? Back in the old country, in the orphanage I was brought up in, the only TV shows we were allowed to watch were reruns of Happy Days and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. All the English I speak, I learned from Henry Winkler and Will Smith. 
  • Oh, you bought tea specially because you knew I was coming? Great. So you’ll all have a nice iced drink as it’s 100 degrees farenheit and I’ll have a lovely, steaming hot cup of tea – thank you very much.

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