A fight and a kebab by the taxi stand on a Saturday night with mildly diverting things a clueless immigrant learnt this week

by awindram

  1. [tweetmeme source=”awindram” only_single=false]Pumpkin ale:
    With the Fall coming (by which I mean Autumn and not the lapsarian fall of man) this marks the appearance of one of my favourite things about the US – Pumpkin ale. The overwhleming flavour from this isn’t pumpkin, but rather pumpkin pie spices. Though it sounds odd, it’s easily one my favourite tipples. If you get the chance, give it a try.
  2. Bud light, clamato and lime:
    The same can’t be said for this…Hey, how do we make the worst beer in the world even more revolting? Why mix it with Clamato and lime, of course. What’s Clamato, you ask? Why it’s tomato juice mixed with clam powder. Mmmm, Mmmm. Doesn’t that sound appetising? I know I’m salivating at the thought. Apparently clamado is popular in Canada and Northern parts of the US and now it’s being used to make the world’s shittiest beer truly diabolical. If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to drink the stomach juices of an alcoholic fisherman from Maine, well this is the beer for you.  I’ve eaten durian, but that was nothing compared to this. The only positive thing I’d say about this beverage is that it does come in a rather attractive colour. If one were feeling particularly vindictive it would certainly be possible to serve a pitcher of this at a children’s party and have the little angels believe, just before they try it and you have a massive bout of vomiting on your hands, that its strawberry lemonade. While this is freely available for purchase in supermarkets, I’m no longer putting up with any cracks about the British serving warm beer. You know what, at least we don’t add tomato juice and that shrimp powder you get with cheap ramen noodles to our beer. A look around the internet suggests some people drink this as a hangover cure. No hangover can be that bad that it merits drinking this. I’d sooner down a strychnine chaser followed by a pint of Mercury than drink this again. 
  3. Double-fisting:
    Bizarre American bar terminology a clueless immigrant should know about: In one hand I have a pint of pumpkin ale, in the other hand a Bud Light mixed with Clamato. The bar is busy with people so I manoeuvre carefully to avoid spilling either of the drinks as I head back to my table. Once there, I put the drinks down.
    Other: “Hey, nice double-fisting, bro.”
    Me: “Excuse me?”
    Other: You did well with the double-fisting.”
    Me: “Double-fisting?”
    Other: “Yeah, when you carry two glasses it’s called double-fisting.”
    Me: “You have to be shitting me?!”
    Silence. Other looks at me hurt. Tumbleweed rolls past. Note to self: don’t swear so much.
    So there you go, if an American tells you they spent the previous evening at the bar where they were double-fisting but then slipped and hurt their fanny – they didn’t just say what you think they just said…at least, that’s what you hope.

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