This joke isn’t funny anymore: aka mildly diverting things a clueless immigrant learnt this week

by awindram

Clueless Immigrant

  1. [tweetmeme source=”awindram” only_single=false] Sons of Anarchy bumper stickers:
    This blog has previously considered the peculiar practice, popular with many Americans of expressing their social or political identity by placing a sticker on their car or truck’s bumper. Clueless Immigrant had very clear thoughts on this; he didn’t give a damn where your child was an “honor student” or what your opinion on Obama was just as he’d hope you wouldn’t be bothered about his political views or A-level results – neither of which incidentally are disclosed to the public via the medium of bumper stickers. But living in Northern California (or NorCal as the locals sometimes called it, though Clueless didn’t as he thought it sounded too pharmaceutical. “NorCal®: may cause stomach bleeding.”) Clueless had begun to notice a large number of trucks, normally driven by red-faced men with necks the width of a sequoia trunk, with these seemingly ubiquitous Sons of Anarchy bumper stickers stuck to their back window. Clueless had noted this not just once or twice, but in fact seemed to come across at least one example of it ever day. Now Clueless was aware that there is a television show about a motorcycle gang called Sons of Anarchy, but what he couldn’t quite figure out was whether these stickers were because the trucks’ owners were such big fans of the show or if it was part of a larger phenomenon that the TV show was feeding on. However, Clueless’s cursory research seems to indicate that this is all down to the TV show. So Clueless is now a little confused as to why the scariest men in the region keep attaching to their vehicles bumper stickers for their favourite TV show. Yes, it may look “scary” and “tough”, but it’s simply advertising a show on FX which seems to Clueless to be pretty darn weak and really not that different than if they had a Glee bumper sticker on their truck. Clueless Immigrant wonders where he can get a Meet the Press or a Lake Woebegone bumper sticker for his car.
  2. TV Advertising:
    The clichéd observation Clueless Immigrant was warned about turned out to be true: there are far more advertisements on US television than UK television. What has surprised Clueless though, is that every single TV advertisement turns out to be for the same company – Geico. It’s true. It’s a cold, hard scientific fact – Clueless has charts and everything proving it. Every ad on TV is a Geico ad. You may think you’ve seen ads for other companies on TV, but you haven’t. How could you? You see, only Geico runs TV ads. There’s the gecko voiced by the ginger haired lad from Eastenders, the cavemen, the little wad of money with eyes, etc. God help the US TV industry should anything happen to Geico’s marketing budget.
  3. Stressing the accent:
    One of the things that Clueless has noticed, and if he’s honest it’s something that pisses him off chronic, is the number of locals who when he is speaking, start talking to him in a shitty Dick Van Dyke-esque English impression.
    There was a time when Clueless Immigrant was merely Clueless Random English Guy in England, in this guise Clueless would come across numerous Americans who were visiting or living in London. Of course, Clueless being an unfriendly limey tried to avoid all conversation with these loud interlopers, but occasionally, despite all his efforts to avoid such a scenario, he would find himself in conversation with them. Never once did it occur to Clueless to start doing a bad American accent when responding to them. Not only might that have that prolonged the conversation, he also thought it would have been rude. He would no sooner think of badly imitating an American’s accent to their face than he would put on a Japanese accent to someone from Japan or a German accent to a German.
    Clueless Immigrant has decided that from now on the gloves are off. In future, when locals starts imitating his accent right in front of him he’s going to respond with either his famously atrocious attempt at Joe Pesci or his diabolical attempt at John Wayne. He doesn’t know which – he likes to keep things a little fresh.