The dying art of the sign waver

by awindram

 [tweetmeme source=”awindram” only_single=false] And another noble profession dies. The American sign waver – that brave suburban warrior who spends all day on a sun-baked sidewalk while dickishly waving a cardboard sign around so you know about Ackroyd Carpets’ latest sales offerings – will soon be obsolete.

I have seen the future, and it looks like this.

Now a little dumbstruck by it all, I had to take a closer look to see if this automaton was, in fact, a fraud like the famed Mechanical Turk. Was there, for instance, a midget inside controlling levers, or an army of trained hamster with a rudimentary knowledge of engineering? But no, nothing of the sort. For hours and hours I stood and watched it and it kept to the same rhythm. This was no fake, this is a sign waver that will never stop, that is in perpetual motion. And as I passed out from heat exhaustation on the sidewalk, I thought what a shame it would be to lose the skills and moves of the American sign waver and what a poorer place suburbia would be without them.

 

Who knows what dystopian vision companies such as Mannequin Sign Waving may unleash on us.

 

Clearly we learned nothing from the Ealing mannequin massacre of 1970. Do we really want a repeat of that?

 

Thanks to Adam Reiter for the footage of the automaton waver

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