“It’s all in the game”: One foreigner’s uninformed view of this year’s Super Bowl

by awindram

I’m done with sport. Not out of any sense of disappointment, but because my hometown team, Hartlepool United, beat Notts County 2-1 yesterday thanks to goals from the appropriately named Hartley and Poole.

Even an England World Cup win couldn’t put me in such a chirpy mood. It delighted me because, well, we really needed the win, but mainly because it was so ridiculous – as sport should be. I don’t think anything sporting is ever going to compete with that. So sorry Super Bowl XLVII, you’re one day too late. Sport jumped the shark yesterday – it’s all downhill from here. That noted, if you’re going to watch the game, here’s an extremely uninformed view of why you should root for Baltimore over San Francisco:

San Francisco gave us this.

Baltimore gave us this.

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This is the San Francisco mascot.
Sourdough Sam. Look at him. Terrifying. The only NFL mascot that needs to cite Megan’s Law before posing for photographs. And don’t be fooled into thinking he’s based on a gold rush prospector, he’s, in fact, based on San Francisco’s homeless problem. I’d suggest instead of a scary tramp for a mascot, they take up my idea of Castro the Bear. Celebrating San Francisco’s history of being at the forefront of LGBT rights, Castro is the first openly “out” mascot*. Ever since he was a little cub up in Tahoe, he’s dreamed of life in the big city. He’s wild, he’s outrageous, and he’ll be in attendance at all of Chris Culliver’s future PR events.

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This is the Baltimore mascot.
Poe the raven. You’ve got to love a team that has a literary inspired mascot. San Francisco could have gone with Ginsberg the beetle poet if they’d wanted. Instead they choose to name theirs after bread – and sour bread at that. C’mon San Fran, is that all you’ve got? Tramps and bread that’s sour? What about a Steve Jobs mascot? Give him an apple for a head and a black turtleneck.

Back to Poe, I like how the Ravens’s website states that Poe attended The Institute of Poe-try; so it’s nice to know some liberal arts grads can get steady employment in the US.

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*Stop living the lie Philly Phanatic.

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