Iowa Caustic

by awindram


Do we need Iowa? I mean, if a 200-mile-wide sinkhole were to swallow it whole, how long would it be before the rest of us noticed? And, more crassly, would we even care? Sure, in one stroke we’d have lost 20% of the nation’s corn production, but, then again, wheezing, lardy America could probably do with eating a bit less corn.

And yet, tomorrow sees the Iowa caucuses; electoral events that allow Iowa to exert a far greater influence on the American democratic process than its size or demographics merit. It is as if the rest of the country has reneged on their civic obligations and said to Iowa, “if you can vet these candidates for us – that’d be super.” In effect, we are asking Iowa to act as the nation’s HR rep; whittling down the list of candidates until, at a later date, we do our final round interview with them. But, like most HR professionals, they just cannot be trusted – dinging decent candidates with requisite experience while putting forward some moron that they thought might be “a good fit” but, in truth, they like because he attends the same church as them.  It’s really far too much responsibility to give to people that put ranch dressing on their pizza.

And if they play their part in Trump 2016… well, if a sinkhole were to swallow the country, would anyone else even care?