Culturally Discombobulated

Tag: Donald Trump

All the dark nights, America


President Trump’s Twitter: January 20th 2017, will be remembered as the day the people became the rulers of this nation again!

And then it was over, after almost two years of campaigning featuring a menagerie of candidates and hanger-ons it climaxes with the unnerving reality that Donald Trump is the leader of the free world. His entrance into this election’s narrative appeared easy to write off; a move not born from a sincere wish for public service, but rather a desperate ruse to boost ratings and media attention for his flagging reality show. But instead of giving him Nielsen ratings, we gave him the nuclear arsenal.

Going back to that day at the Fresno Convention Center when American-ness was conferred on me (a profound and almost transcendent experience that forever alters you – your voice will from now on be louder in public, covering bacon and sausage with maple syrup will no longer nauseate you, the deciphering of irony will be just a millisecond slower than it was before) I keep thinking that the ceremony involves the playing of a video greeting from the President to what is now a room of “fellow Americans.”

At some point, either today or in the coming week, Trump will sit down and record his greeting. Presumably welcoming those watching as the right sort of immigrant, ones for whom the wall is not intended. And yet with all his latent Nativist talk over the last year, I can’t imagine his message will be an encouraging one to many new citizens; who, if it follows the demographics of my ceremony, are overwhelmingly immigrants from regions he has vilified, bad hombres, to use his phrase.

While I have never for one moment doubted the President’s (how bizarre to finally use that in relation to Donald Trump) ability to lie, and to lie well, I suspect a warm and sincere greeting and congratulations to new, primarily brown, Americans may be a lie too far.

John Bull in New York

The first meeting between the President-Elect and a British political figure took place at Trump Tower, though not with a cabinet official or a former PM, but with a man who has stood and failed to be elected to the House of Commons on seven occassions. Yes, Farage is back, Roderick Spode-ing his way around Manhattan though he can’t even be said to even represent the party that he is notorious for, but here he is, ol’ John Bull-shit grinning as he ascends to the Trump penthouse.

The cultural divide in this election was measured by David Wasserman of the Cook Political Report, by an innovative method he devised: look at how people voted in the 493 counties that have Cracker Barrel Old Country Stores, and in the 184 counties with Whole Foods stores. In 2012 Obama carried 75 percent of the counties that had a Whole Foods and 29 percent of the counties with a Cracker Barrel. But that spread was exceeded this year—in the other direction—with Trump winning 76 percent of counties with Cracker Barrel stores and just 22 percent of counties with Whole Foods.

How It Happened – Elizabeth Drew -The New York Review of Books


Protestors near Trump International Hotel, November ’16

And David Bowie remains dead

Trump’s Daily Twitter Highlight: “Such a beautiful and important evening! The forgotten man and woman will never be forgotten again. We will all come together as never before”

Clinton’s Daily Twitter Highlight: “To all the little girls watching…never doubt that you are valuable and powerful & deserving of every chance & opportunity in the world.

Daily election article of interest: An American Tragedy

Tonight I’m going down the rabbit hole; I’m listening to today’s The Alex Jones Show as I try to do some work. It’s a solid reminder that what we are up against are irrational forces; a post-fact world is the term.

The night before the election, before I voted for the first time as an American, I wrote on this blog that however culpable America might become with its decisions and acts, I was about to “assume my share of that culpability.” And so I do, that we elected Trump is a shame we must all bear.

The election is over, thank God, but things are only just beginning. A large number of Trump’s supporters except, no, they demand, that he be a destructive force to Washington, and so this idea that yesterday was this big destructive event is incorrect, the destruction is yet to come. They are more softened takes out there, the hope that the office of the President has a transformative effect on the individual rather than the individual has a transformative effect on the office of the President. We’ll see. But today the host of the Apprentice, a man who ranks alongside the likes of Charlie Sheen, Flavor Flav, Pamela Anderson, and David Hasselhoff in having his own Comedy Central Roast Special is being briefed on intelligence matters.

This annus horribilis began with the death of David Bowie, with that in mind, here’s some David Bowie to get you through the gloom.

Make America Heave Again: The 2016 Presidential Election Drinking Game

Why watch the world burn sober? At the very least, watch it with a little bit of a buzz going on. With that in mind, here’s my election night drinking game to be attempted as the results come rushing in. It should work with whatever bad cable news network you chose to view the coming apocalypse; I’ll be going with CNN.

Step One: Choosing Your Poison:

Instead of going with an array of drinks throughout the evening, a move that will definitely get confusing as the night progresses, stick to one choice of drink for the evening. I’d suggest the following:

If you’re Team Trump, why not go with some bottles of Trump rosé made more potent with a very generous splash of Trump vodka?

If you’re Team Clinton, why not go with some vintage cans of Billy Beer laced with one of Hillary’s own favorite campaign tipples, Canadian Crown Royal Whisky? Note: The 35 year-old taste of Billy Beer can be reproduced by letting some rusted nails sit in some Bud Light for an hour or two.

If you’re Team Johnson, why not go ahead and try doing this game with some cannabis-infused craft beer depending on availability and legality in your home state?

If you’re Team McMullin, your choices are probably limited to apple beer. Sorry.

If you’re Team Stein, why not go ahead and try this with your favorite kombucha, or, in honor of Jill, maybe a homeopathic cocktail would be more appropriate? Sure, it may just be water now, but it still has the residual memory of alcohol – and that’s just as good.

Step Two: When To Drink

Take a generous gulp of your beverage when you hear or see any of the following:

“Did ________ cost them this election.”

“Remember, 270 is the magic number.”

“Jeffrey Lord, what are your thoughts?” [If not watching CNN feel free to replace with the worst pundit on your chosen network]

“We have a big projection coming right up.”


“Will he build a wall?”






“Today is democracy in action”

Shot of the Empire State Building

Shot of a crowd chanting “U-S-A”

“This result changes everything”

“This result is what we expected”

“It’s too close to call”



“I have just called [Opponent] to congratulate them”


Step Three: When To Stop Drinking?

When the balloons are released on the new President-elect is the moment to down all remaining alcohol you have left. This can either be a gesture of celebration or of solace – the important thing is that you’re drinking. Indeed, if the results are going really badly for you and your candidate then it’s probably okay if you want to add a Clorox chaser to your chosen drink.

Remember, drink responsibly

4 long, dark nights for America: Election Dramatis Personae Part I

Four long, dark nights to go. 

Trump’s Daily Twitter Highlight: “If Obama worked as hard on straightening out our country as he has trying to protect and elect Hillary, we would all be much better off!”

Clinton’s Daily Twitter Highlight: “The presidency doesn’t change who you are—it reveals who you are. And we’ve seen all we need to of Donald Trump.

Daily election article of interest: The Surreal Election Season of a Hillary Clinton Impersonator

As the election draws to its climax, I’m again drawn to how it exisits as an inescapble narrative we all live through for 18 months. That there may be some Americans out there who don’t know what is happening in this election is not, in my view, ignorance on their part, but rather an almost admirable intransigence because I don’t know where you could be in this country and fail to, at least, not know the Cliff Notes to this election. When we treat our election like a reality show, it shouldn’t surprise us that we end up running an actual reality TV star for President.

So if this is a ridiculous reality show, or a rambling satricial novel, I ended up jotting all the characters, the dramatis personae, that have featured in it. For one, it seems like an interesting way to look back in the final nights before the election, so to start things off I jotted down all the characters connected with Trump that have made an impact on my experience of this election.

Donald Trump: Real estate developer, author, reality TV star, purveyor of high quality steaks, GOP Presidential Candidate and demagogue (though someone called him that once and he misheard it as demigod). A large number of outside interests does not, however, a Renaissance man make, as Trump feels like someone who would be better suited for the Dark Ages.

Donald Trump Jr: Eldest child of the Trump scion trinity – that is the children from his first marriage to Ivana Trump. Has a definite meatball-head quality to his features.

Eric Trump: The youngest of the scion trinity. Often seen on stage when the Donald is making speeches nodding sinisterly.

Barron Trump: Trump’s youngest child. Looked absolutely miserable at having to attend the GOP convention which makes him the only Trump people have been able to relate to.

Melania Trump:  Melania Trump is a lawyer, writer, and the wife of the 44th and current President, Barack Obama. She is the first African-American First Lady of the United States. Through her four main initiatives, she has become a role model for women and an advocate for healthy families, service members and their families, higher education, and international adolescent girls education.

Ivanka Trump:  Middle child of the scion trinity. Has been utilized in an interesting way by the Trump campaign helping to try and soften Trump’s message and make him appear more appealing to female voters. It’s a useful trick as Jean-Marie Le Pen discovered in the 80s with Marine Le Pen.  Ivanka has done a lot of the campaigning that you would normally expect the candidate’s spouse to do. Donald loves his daughter, but not in a creepy way.

Fred Trump:  The Trump patriarch. His arrest in 1927 following a riot between supporters of Mussolini and the KKK was a controversial story early in the campaign.

Tiffany Trump:  The forgotten Trump child, and all the more endearing for it.

Jared Kushner:   Husband of Ivanka Trump and seemingly influential figure in the Trump campaign. Reports suggest that it was he that linked the trump team with the data mining Cambridge Analytica team as well as pushing for the presence of victims of Bill Clinton’s sexual abuse being at the second Presidential debate.

Mike Pence:  GOP Governor of Indiana and Trump’s running mate. His most notable moments are performing well in the VP debate by boldly denying everything his running mate has ever said and for his plane running off the runway at La Guardia when landing. Whatever happens, it seems like he will leave the election with his reputation enhanced with the GOP base and the GOP establishment after the election which is impressive considering Trump’s running mate feels like it was a definite poisoned chalice. May be in a good position for a run at 2020 – an actual Trump win on Tuesday would fuck all that up.

Corey Lewandowski: Trump’s former campaign manager and who ran the campaign with the motto “Let Trump be Trump,” thus allowing the Presidential candidate to regularly sound like your unhinged racist uncle shouting at the TV. Grabbed Michelle Fields, a reporter for Breitbart, by the arm when she tried asking Trump a question. Now provides guerrilla marketing for the Trump campaign in his guise as a CNN commentator.

Roger Stone: Feyly sinister and dandyish political consultant and lobbyist. Assisted Trump early on in the campaign cycle and introduced the candidate to conspiracy theorist Alex Jones whose show Stone has regularly been a guest on. Like Tom Wolfe, Stone enjoys wearing a well-tailored white suit, a move that leaves him permanently in danger from the splash back.

Paul Manafort: Sinisterly fey political consultant and lobbyist. Brought in to the Trump campaign to try and bring some discipline and strategy to it. Resigned from the campaign when The New York Times claimed he had been receiving illegal, off-the-book payments of over $12M from former Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych.

Hope Hicks:  Trump’s 27 year old Press Secretary who for the most part doesn’t respond to the press. It has been claimed that her name is an accurate distillation of the Trump phenomenon itself.

Steve Bannon: Frustrated screenwriter, Breitbart executive and current CEO of Trump’s campaign. Introduced Trump to Farage so this is not a man doing God’s work.

Kellyanne Conway:  Trump’s latest campaign manager who is well remunerated for appearing on cable news trying to spin her boss’s latest bizarre statement.

Alex Jones:  Austin based radio host, 9/11 truther who thinks the Sandy Hook massacre was faked. Jones has been a huge and increasingly influential presence in the conspiracy theorist world for over a decade. That Trump has been willing to align with someone like Jones is a remarkable development.

Rudy Giuliani:  Former mayor of New York and Trump’s attack dog on various cable news networks. Increasingly taking on the appearance of an egg shell that someone has drawn an angry face on.

David Borenstein:  Trump’s doctor and author of a risible health letter about the candidate

Chris Christie:  Pinguid GOP Governor of New Jersey and candidate for the GOP Presidential nomination. Following his decision to drop out of the GOP race, he became an important member of the Trump team as well as taking delivery of Trump’s fast food orders. Currently managing their transition team in the event of a Trump victory. Americans got to watch in real time the demise of Christie’s soul as he stood awkwardly behind Trump during a Trump speech staring blankly into the middle distance. As a side note, Christie is also one of that intriguing group of right-wing politicians despised by their left-leaning music idol. In Christie’s case, Bruce Springsteen. See also, David Cameron and The Smiths.

Ben Carson:   Retired neurosurgeon, candidate for GOP Presidential nomination, somnambulist, and a friend in Jesus. Like Christie endorsed Trump following his own decision to leave the race. Occasionally appears on cable news spouting ridiculous things at journalists, but his permanently tired demeanor is at odds with such a hyper environment as this election, so even when he is being ignorantly offensive it’s really hard to care about what he’s saying.

Jeffrey Lord:   CNN’s sniveling Trump cheerleader and, judging from his cadaver grey pallor, possibly one of the undead

Kayleigh McEnany:  CNN’s other regular Trump supporter because things were too exhausting for Jeffrey Lord all there by himself.

Jimmy Fallon:  Trump’s hair ruffler in chief

Roger Ailes:   Former head of Fox News and sexual abuser. Helped Trump with debate prep about how to best grip the debate audience by the pussy.

Scott Baio:   Trump supporter who was roundly mocked for being the “celebrity” at this year’s GOP convention.

Howard Stern: Legendary radio host whose shows Trump would regularly call in to in the 90s for off color conversations, many of them about women.

David Duke:   Holocaust denier, former Imperial Wizard of the Klu Klux Klan and Trump supporter