The diminishing returns of Cadbury’s creme eggs

by awindram


An obedient Catholic child, it was during Lent that I first felt what it was like to be the victim of a perceived injustice. Roused by adults I trusted to forgo some luxury for forty days, I became – like so many other children – a short-lived penitent by giving up chocolate.

To my distress this period of self-denial would coincide with the cruel release by Cadbury’s of their creme eggs. As Christ during his forty days and forty nights in the desert had to endure the taunts of Satan, so I had to endure the knowledge that thousands of other children were at that moment gleefully licking off their fingers the remaining traces of chocolate and fondant. How I wanted to be like those children, sticky with confectionary, gloriously hedonistic in their desires but instead I had asceticism thrust upon me.

Now it is possible that this childhood experience has left me with deep emotional issues and an unhealthy fondant fetish that requires thousands of dollars worth of therapy; what is certain is that as an adult I do get giddy with excitement when the first creme eggs of the year coyly appear on the supermarket shelves. Now I no longer have to stoically resist them, but can instead indulge myself like a robber baron feasting on oysters.

That creme eggs are freely available in the States was an unexpected bonus when I moved here. However, my initial excitement was soon soured when I bought my first all-American creme egg and experienced the second great injustice of my life – the country that created the super-size meal was foisting on its fine, corn-fed citizens a creme egg distinctly smaller* than the ones those effete limeys over the ocean enjoy.





*Now I wouldn’t dispute that the UK creme egg has also diminished in size – it used to fit snugly into an egg cup, a fact I know as I was dorky enough that I used to do this – but as the picture in this link shows the US egg is smaller again.